Who We Become

Sometimes (OK- often) I get really overwhelmed with the babies, and I cannot help but think about my life before they were here, and miss it a little (…OK- a lot). There are many things that I wished I could have done before I had decided to have children; trips I wanted to take, things I wanted to buy, experiences I wanted to have.

 Sometimes, I think about those things, and I get scared that now, I will never be able to have them.  

Someone once told me that you cannot spend your life afraid of taking the next big step simply because you hadn’t taken the smaller steps that you think should have come first. They told me that if I spent my life waiting for that “perfect time”, I might just end up missing out on things I never knew I could have.  If Bill and I hadn’t decided to have a baby when we did, we may never have ended up with the twins. We would have missed out on something wonderful we didn’t even know we could have had.

There are so many things I still want to do, and though I am a little frightened about this new path my life is leading, I don’t regret it. When I get a longing for how things used to be, my new life always finds a way to shock me back into realizing how wonderful my new reality is.

I hope I can stay grounded and remember to take everything one day at a time. I hope I can remember that being a mother doesn’t mean that I have lost “who I was” but, created a better “who I am”.